Diane Parker is mad about her chickens. I’m standing in the brand new chicken coop she bought for them out of the first half of her book advance. When she was given Jupiter because another Cock was bullying him, she never dreamed it would lead to her first book deal. Four years later, and Diane’s been fully trained by her chickens. Hence the title of her book, 100 Ways For A Chicken To Train Its Human.  

          “I was given the Cock because he needed a home. He was being bullied by another male,” says Diane as she throws another handful of mixed corn onto the ground. “I decided after a week it would be nice for him to have some company, so I bought my hens.”

          As if on cue, Mercury and Venus appear on the scene having heard Diane rustling the bag of corn mix.

          “They inspire me all the time,” she laughs, as they begin pecking at the bag she’s now trying to hide from them behind her back. “They have such fascinating characters, and are very intelligent. By watching and photographing them I have many more ideas that I want to use.”

          Walking through Diane’s house, high in the South Shropshire hills, it was easy to see how hooked she is on chickens. From the placemats on her kitchen table to the chicken-shaped doorstops and ornaments, chickens abound everywhere. And she’s only a few miles from the highly respected Wernlas Collection near Craven Arms. It’s obviously useful having so much expertise right on her doorstep.

          “Both Mercury and Venus were ideal to start off with. I bought them locally, and although not rare breeds, they fitted my needs.” Jupiter I discover, is a Buff Sussex, whereas the two hens are a Spekledy and a Warren. “They are so easy to keep, and on a small scale they make lovely pets. They all have such individual characters.”

          At this point, Jupiter begins showing some of his character by pecking at my shoelaces. The hens meanwhile are continuing to find the real food amongst the blades of grass. So where exactly did the idea of a book come from, I wondered.

          “I’ve seen lots of humorous books in shops about other pets and animals, and I’ve always fancied having a go at writing something like that. I enjoy writing as a hobby and have had some success with a few articles in magazines, but every writer dreams of having a book published. Although I’ve got two horses and two goldfish, I knew that chickens could be funny as well, so I just started jotting down all of my ideas.”

          The culmination is a very funny gift book, published by Hodder & Stoughton.

          Looking around the coop that we’re currently sitting in, I realise that these chickens must know that they’ve gone up in the fowl world. Behind us stands the old dog kennel and makeshift fencing that was their previous home, until Diane’s book success. If that was a comfortable Bed and Breakfast, then Jupiter, Mercury and Venus are now living at The Ritz.

          “This is a purpose built unit where they can sleep and roam. It’s completely secure, with a roof to prevent contamination from wild birds, an important aspect that’s been highlighted by the recent bird flu outbreak in Suffolk. It’s very low maintenance, and I always ensure that they have enough water and feed to last several days.” So, just as I thought. Very pampered chickens indeed!

          Leaving them to their plush surroundings, Diane and I make our way back indoors, where she clutches her brood of books. These are the first six copies that she’s seen, which she gets free as part of her book contract.

          “Although I’ve had articles published, it was a tremendous surprise to have my book accepted. I was so thrilled that I even added a dedication at the front to my chickens.”

          Flicking through the pages, I can’t help but laugh at some of Diane’s observations. I get the distinct impression that she’s pecked away at the behaviour of her chickens and discovered the real meaning of their actions. Apparently, the tipping of food hoppers is nothing to do with clumsiness, but a devious and concerted effort to get humans to keep topping them up! With chapter headings like ‘Fowl Play’ and ‘Hen-tertainment’, Diane’s succeeded in covering all aspects of chicken life.

          As someone who enjoys eggs but has never kept chickens, I’m beginning to see what Diane loves so much about them. If I were interested in getting my own chickens, what advice could she give me?

          “Good housing which is predator proof and provides good shelter from wind and rain is a must,” she insists. “Keep the coop clean and provide dry, dust free bedding. You should always ensure that there’s a constant supply of clean water, and give them freedom to roam. Feed them a balanced diet, such as mixed corn, layers mash and plenty of greens. Give them some grit to aid their digestion and collect the eggs regularly. Finally, make sure that you have a friendly neighbour to look after them when you are away.”

          Turning to thank Diane for allowing me to visit her and her brood, there is one more question that I have to ask. If she spent the first half of her book advance on the new coop for her chickens, what plans did she have for the other half of the advance?

          “I’m not sure,” she says. “I need to change the car, but I also fancy buying some more chickens. I’d like to get some rare breeds if I can, because it’s important that we keep our heritage.”

          Climbing into my car, I can’t help but smile. Somehow, I have a gut feeling that I already know where she’ll end up spending the money.

Further Information

100 Ways For A Chicken To Train Its Human

Published by: Hodder & Stoughton

Priced: £3.99

ISBN: 978-0340910207