Stop Drooling! was published in Take a Break's weekly magazine on 27th November 2008.
It was also published in Australia's That's Life Fast Fiction under the title of Basket Bingo.
It was also published in Australia's That's Life Fast Fiction under the title of Basket Bingo.
She’s an ‘NBWTI’, thought Jules, as she watched the items approach her down the conveyor belt. Last week all this customer had in her basket was a ready meal for one, a half bottle of wine and the new Sex in the City film DVD. Now, she had an Indian meal for two and some Mango and Passion Fruit ice cream from the store’s really expensive range. Definitely a NBWTI. Jules crossed it off her card and scanned the goods.
‘Basket Bingo’ it was called. All the cashiers at the supermarket played. You can tell a lot about a person by the contents of their shopping basket. With bingo cards identifying the different types of customer, the first cashier to get a full card received a free lottery ticket. It was fun, but Jules also found it depressing. Take this NBWTI. She’s a ‘New Boyfriend – Wants To Impress’. Lucky thing. If Jules went up to a cash till with her shopping, she’d be labelled an ‘SAS’ – ‘Sad and Single’. That’s why she shopped at another supermarket across town.
“How are you?” said the next voice in the queue.
“Hi,” Jules blushed.
It was Rob, or gorgeous Rob as she called him. He regularly used her checkout, so she knew he was a VHCWG - ‘Very Happily Co-habiting With Girlfriend’. Jules hated his girlfriend. She’d never met her, but she hated her because she’d got gorgeous Rob.
“So, what’s the lucky girlfriend got for tonight then?” she teased. “I see you’ve got plenty of spaghetti here.”
“It is on special offer,” Rob defended.
“And some mince. You’re going Italian tonight then. And an extra large jar of pasta sauce.”
“Well there aren’t many customers who would turn down 50 per cent extra free, are there?”
“Ooh, a posh bottle of plonk too! Some sort of anniversary is it?”
“Something like that,” Rob replied. “I would like …”
Glancing quickly at her bingo card, Jules spotted that she’d already ticked off a VHCWG. Blast! All she needed now was an RSS and an SAS, and Rob definitely wasn’t either of those. “Sorry, you were going to say?”
This time it was Rob blushing.
“I… er …would like some cash back please,” he mumbled.
“Taking her somewhere nice first?” Jules smiled, inwardly seething with jealousy as she processed the transaction.
Handing him his cash, Rob winked at her as he collected his shopping bag and left. Jules wished she was sharing his spaghetti bolognese tonight.
“Come on love, stop drooling.”
It was Mrs Green. She’s an RSS. ‘Retired, single spinster’. Ticking her off the card, that just left Jules with an SAS to get.
“I see you found the reduced chicken breast, Mrs Green. Just two potatoes though, is that all you need?”
“Yes dear. It’s not as though I’m feeding a family of five is it?”
How depressing was that? I could still be eating alone in 50 years time, Jules shuddered.
Her double shift continued like this for another five hours, as she desperately sought a ‘Sad and Single’ person to complete her bingo card. But no-one’s basket matched.
Perhaps I am the only ‘Sad and Single’ one here, Jules sighed, and I don’t count. Not in Basket Bingo anyway. Handing her card to her supervisor on the way out, she spotted how close to winning Jules had got.
“Jules, you’ve nearly got a full house here! Never mind. I’m sure there’s an SAS person out there somewhere. Pity they didn’t pop in for some shopping heh? Better luck tomorrow.”
Jules liked to think about what to eat each night as she drove to the supermarket across town where she did her shopping. She knew it meant missing out on the staff discount, but there was no way she wanted the other cashiers ticking her off as an SAS.
Basket in hand, Jules spied their individual lasagne was on special offer. That’ll do. And … wow! Her favourite ice cream had a third extra free. Now all she needed to do was to get out of here and back to her ‘Sad and Single’ flat.
“This is a surprise,” said the voice at the till.
Looking up, Jules was amazed to see Rob. “I didn’t know you worked here.”
“Keeps me out of mischief. On your own tonight?”
“Sorry?” she said, stunned.
“Individual lasagne, large tub of ice cream. That’s a definite SAS on my bingo card.”
“You don’t play that stupid game here too do you?” She was mortified!
“We play it all the time. It’s a bad card tonight though. I still need to find a PMSFH.”
“Professional Man Shopping For Himself? They’re easy to spot. They make the most of it while their wives are away,” she offered. “It’ll be a frozen pizza because she doesn’t allow him to have it normally, and a very, very expensive bottle of wine.”
“Thanks, I’ll remember that.”
“Well seeing as I’ve helped you with your SAS, I might as well help you finish the card. Although, you were no use to me. I already had a VHCWG ticked off.”
“I’m not a VHCWG,” said Rob.
“But that’s what your basket suggested.”
“Ah, but I know other stores play Basket Bingo so I always buy the special offers. The ‘Buy One Get One Free’ or the 100 per cent extra free products are best. Cashiers always think that you’re buying for two and saving the money rather than buying for one and doing twice the shopping in one go. I’m not a VHCWG. I’m an SAS.”
What? Jules had been crossing him off as VHCWG for months. How many cards had she messed up that way? She could have won today!
“Erm, I know this isn’t part of the game,” said Rob, “but I knock off in ten minutes, and as you know, I’ve got a lot of spaghetti bolognese for tonight. You don’t fancy helping me eat it do you?”
Now Jules crimsoned, but she didn’t care. “That would be lovely,” she managed to mutter.
“Great! Meet me outside in 10 minutes then.”
Skipping to the exit, all Jules could think about was Basket Bingo. Suddenly she had a strong urge to play it as a customer. Stepping out into the cool evening air, she couldn’t contain herself any longer.
“BINGO!” she shouted at the top of her voice. She had won today after all. And tomorrow night she was going shopping in her own store. The cashiers would definitely be ticking her off now as a NBWTI!
‘Basket Bingo’ it was called. All the cashiers at the supermarket played. You can tell a lot about a person by the contents of their shopping basket. With bingo cards identifying the different types of customer, the first cashier to get a full card received a free lottery ticket. It was fun, but Jules also found it depressing. Take this NBWTI. She’s a ‘New Boyfriend – Wants To Impress’. Lucky thing. If Jules went up to a cash till with her shopping, she’d be labelled an ‘SAS’ – ‘Sad and Single’. That’s why she shopped at another supermarket across town.
“How are you?” said the next voice in the queue.
“Hi,” Jules blushed.
It was Rob, or gorgeous Rob as she called him. He regularly used her checkout, so she knew he was a VHCWG - ‘Very Happily Co-habiting With Girlfriend’. Jules hated his girlfriend. She’d never met her, but she hated her because she’d got gorgeous Rob.
“So, what’s the lucky girlfriend got for tonight then?” she teased. “I see you’ve got plenty of spaghetti here.”
“It is on special offer,” Rob defended.
“And some mince. You’re going Italian tonight then. And an extra large jar of pasta sauce.”
“Well there aren’t many customers who would turn down 50 per cent extra free, are there?”
“Ooh, a posh bottle of plonk too! Some sort of anniversary is it?”
“Something like that,” Rob replied. “I would like …”
Glancing quickly at her bingo card, Jules spotted that she’d already ticked off a VHCWG. Blast! All she needed now was an RSS and an SAS, and Rob definitely wasn’t either of those. “Sorry, you were going to say?”
This time it was Rob blushing.
“I… er …would like some cash back please,” he mumbled.
“Taking her somewhere nice first?” Jules smiled, inwardly seething with jealousy as she processed the transaction.
Handing him his cash, Rob winked at her as he collected his shopping bag and left. Jules wished she was sharing his spaghetti bolognese tonight.
“Come on love, stop drooling.”
It was Mrs Green. She’s an RSS. ‘Retired, single spinster’. Ticking her off the card, that just left Jules with an SAS to get.
“I see you found the reduced chicken breast, Mrs Green. Just two potatoes though, is that all you need?”
“Yes dear. It’s not as though I’m feeding a family of five is it?”
How depressing was that? I could still be eating alone in 50 years time, Jules shuddered.
Her double shift continued like this for another five hours, as she desperately sought a ‘Sad and Single’ person to complete her bingo card. But no-one’s basket matched.
Perhaps I am the only ‘Sad and Single’ one here, Jules sighed, and I don’t count. Not in Basket Bingo anyway. Handing her card to her supervisor on the way out, she spotted how close to winning Jules had got.
“Jules, you’ve nearly got a full house here! Never mind. I’m sure there’s an SAS person out there somewhere. Pity they didn’t pop in for some shopping heh? Better luck tomorrow.”
Jules liked to think about what to eat each night as she drove to the supermarket across town where she did her shopping. She knew it meant missing out on the staff discount, but there was no way she wanted the other cashiers ticking her off as an SAS.
Basket in hand, Jules spied their individual lasagne was on special offer. That’ll do. And … wow! Her favourite ice cream had a third extra free. Now all she needed to do was to get out of here and back to her ‘Sad and Single’ flat.
“This is a surprise,” said the voice at the till.
Looking up, Jules was amazed to see Rob. “I didn’t know you worked here.”
“Keeps me out of mischief. On your own tonight?”
“Sorry?” she said, stunned.
“Individual lasagne, large tub of ice cream. That’s a definite SAS on my bingo card.”
“You don’t play that stupid game here too do you?” She was mortified!
“We play it all the time. It’s a bad card tonight though. I still need to find a PMSFH.”
“Professional Man Shopping For Himself? They’re easy to spot. They make the most of it while their wives are away,” she offered. “It’ll be a frozen pizza because she doesn’t allow him to have it normally, and a very, very expensive bottle of wine.”
“Thanks, I’ll remember that.”
“Well seeing as I’ve helped you with your SAS, I might as well help you finish the card. Although, you were no use to me. I already had a VHCWG ticked off.”
“I’m not a VHCWG,” said Rob.
“But that’s what your basket suggested.”
“Ah, but I know other stores play Basket Bingo so I always buy the special offers. The ‘Buy One Get One Free’ or the 100 per cent extra free products are best. Cashiers always think that you’re buying for two and saving the money rather than buying for one and doing twice the shopping in one go. I’m not a VHCWG. I’m an SAS.”
What? Jules had been crossing him off as VHCWG for months. How many cards had she messed up that way? She could have won today!
“Erm, I know this isn’t part of the game,” said Rob, “but I knock off in ten minutes, and as you know, I’ve got a lot of spaghetti bolognese for tonight. You don’t fancy helping me eat it do you?”
Now Jules crimsoned, but she didn’t care. “That would be lovely,” she managed to mutter.
“Great! Meet me outside in 10 minutes then.”
Skipping to the exit, all Jules could think about was Basket Bingo. Suddenly she had a strong urge to play it as a customer. Stepping out into the cool evening air, she couldn’t contain herself any longer.
“BINGO!” she shouted at the top of her voice. She had won today after all. And tomorrow night she was going shopping in her own store. The cashiers would definitely be ticking her off now as a NBWTI!