The Bluffer’s Guide To Dogs

The (All-new) Bluffer’s Guide to Dogs

Publisher: The Bluffer’s Guides (A Haynes imprint)

ISBN: 978-1785212437

eBook version available

Audiobook available at Amazon and Apple Books

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Instantly acquire all the knowledge you need to pass as an expert in the world of canine canniness. Never again confuse your BARF with your bite, your BAER with your bark, or your British bulldog with your Bavarian boarhound. Bask in the admiration of your fellow dog lovers as you pronounce confidently on the evolution of the family known as Canidae and hold your own against the most dogmatic of self-professed dog professionals.

DO SAY: “If you were a visiting Martian and saw two creatures walking together, one scooping up the other’s poop, who would you think was in charge?

DON’T SAY: ” What do you get when you cross a Jack Russell with a Shih-tzu? (And the answer’s not a Russ-zu.)


“Remember, the average dog has the IQ of a three-year-old child. This means most dogs are capable of operating your mobile phone and logging onto your social media accounts when you’re not looking!”

“Growling  can mean enjoyment, especially if it involves playing tug-of-war with something…like the cat next door, or a human limb.”

“Allowing a dog to drink stagnant pond water is neither good for the dog’s digestive system, nor for the owner’s living room shagpile carpet.”

“Many employers find dogs to be better workers than their human counterparts. They’re not unionised, so they will happily work overtime, and they are unlikely to demand additional remuneration or benefits.”

“How many people would still be languishing in mine shafts, if it hadn’t been for Lassie?”

“Dogs don’t expect a call when you’re late (in fact the later you are the more excited they are to see you).”


“I enjoyed reading this book immensely, it was lighthearted, full of humour and the author seems to understand the weird and wonderful minds of dogs very well! Having been the owner of quite a few rescue dogs for the past 26 years, all with their own personalities and strange traits, I recognised much of what Simon Whaley had composed. As I’m a vegetarian, I did cringe at a small part of the content, but coped by reading it at treble speed!
Everyone who owns and/or loves dogs should read this. If you don’t love dogs, read it anyway, just for the laughs!” – Janey (Amazon Review)

“This book is not really designed for new owners but if you already have a dog you will recognise much of the behaviour described here and you may well find some useful information and amusing snippets of information which you wish to share. The author feels that the real bluffers here are the dogs themselves and his book describes the various ways in which dogs have their owners firmly under control. There are a lot of amusing moments and I found myself wanting to read paragraphs aloud to others in order to share the humour. There are some very sensible tips on dog ownership in the book as well which the less experienced dog owner may find useful and also some factual information about dogs designed for you to slip into a conversation and impress others with your knowledge.” Anne – Amazon Review)

“The dogs are better than men section …..OMG yes, so true! not saying which bits are most relevant for me though. Husband has also been looking through this and he had to laugh at the men’s section on why dogs are better than women. Could cause a big debate and argument, but it is true dogs do always listen unlike a man. Did try telling husband this, but falls on death ears.

One that would make a great Christmas present for that hard to buy for person, just make sure they are a dog lover though. If not pretty sure there will be a book in the range that would suit, as so many to choose from.” – Alessi Lover (Amazon Review)

“The Bluffer’s Guide to Dogs written by Simon Whaley is a small quaint looking book which truly is a minefield of information, yes a lot of it I already knew as I have been a dog owner for years but there was a few nuggets which had me sitting back and saying “so that is why they do that”.

The Bluffer’s Guide to Dogs is excellent book which had me laughing out loud many times as the writer certainly knew dog’s characters extremely well. It also was an education throughout which would be perfect for those people who like to take part in the odd quiz now and again as well as helping you ‘Bluff’ your way through a conversation with a professional dog owner which would make them think you certainly knew your stuff!” – Petra (Amazon Review)

NOTE – The Bluffer’s Guide to Dogs was previously published with the following cover:

The Bluffer's Guide to Dogs